How I'd turned MY BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT into my biggest motivation?

This blog may only seem to you that I am pouring my heart out or you may feel emotional and pity for me but these are two precious years of my life.  I will never forget them in my remaining life. They have taught me so many things that are not even comparable to teachings of the remaining 20 years of my life. This is a journey from my biggest disappointment to my biggest motivation.

I am from the society where most people respect and appreciate others by outward appearances of their profession, their looks or the money they earn. I feel sorry for them now. After completing my under-graduation in Electrical Engineering, I have to go through a lot of tests for jobs. After every other job interview, I had to set my goal again that I would gain this for sure, but unluckily it was not like that.  This world does not run like that.  While everyone was busy in his life in my family, I was struggling to my full strength with this life.  

When my peers have started to tease me by saying that “What’s the purpose of that high GAPA when you do not have a job”, I reciprocated them with words that I felt but those were the words I would never forget. I had started to believe those words that were a warning sign for me too. I had worked very hard with my full motivation during the four years of my degree but I felt like I was the biggest disappointment towards my parents, my family. I had felt ashamed of me that my parents could not praise me because of my education OR if they were doing it,  that was just for keeping my heart. When our neighbors asked my mother sometimes about me and my job, I would never forget the way she had to make and arrange her words.  I have no doubt; my parents love me so much.  But as we all know action speaks very loud.  My parents were worried about me.

I had felt lonely in this rush of people.  I had to act like, I was happy. In the eyes of everyone, I was free and doing nothing. When in an interview, my interviewer had asked me the question that what had you done in your previous year and asked for some experience during that year, I was quiet. I have done nothing, obviously, I was free. That was the time, I wanted to say so much but I could not.  I wanted to say that I was not free in my mind. I wanted to say that I was constantly struggling but could not because I had not any certificate for that. That was the feeling with so much intensity, I cannot even describe in words. 

That was the time, I had realized that I had to stand for myself, I was the only one who was responsible for my actions and I was the only one who was responsible for my thoughts. I have realized the cruelness of this world that if you feel ashamed of you, these people will push you more into that shame. I had to plan something for me. I had to make myself proud. Everything in that year that had happened I have framed and saved that in my mind and will keep that as my constant reminder that I have just me for myself. I have made that feeling as my helping hand to get more strength.

These pain and hardships can teach you so many things that you can never learn with joy and happiness.  After that year, I have discovered myself truly. I have discovered things that I cannot even believe now that I have in me. If I ever felt lonely now, I make that time useful to observe me and my life.  I have nourished me in so many ways. Now, I am waiting for a time, for my time when I can proudly stand as a daughter and as a successful professional. But I am not feeling disappointed, I am feeling passionate towards my goals.  

P.S

Pray for me that everything that I have planned, happen that way. If things do not happen that way, pray for my courage, strength, and motivation to keep that plan intact.

Last but not the least, this blog is dedicated to my father. I know for sure, I will never meet a hardworking person like him. He will always be my constant. He has provided his daughters with such valuable status and education by living in the type of society where most people feel that there is no purpose for girl’s education and to spend money on them.